Had we but world enough, and time

St Paul's Cathedral, London. And I like the poem too.

charlatans & saints

It's weird, almost surreal, that I've got some kinda plan now. I always thought I'd be stuck in the limbo of liminality (weekends only) after JC and wondering what the bloody heck to study/choose as a career. But now I already got the letter from NUS so there's my backup plan done. But then again my hopes of studying overseas is kinda dashy in the horizon and I just need to hope that I don't change my interests by end of the year.  

p.s. I used to take such nice pictures. What happened eh?

My body is an orphanage;

It always seems that time passes the fastest when you don't want it to. Someone's stealing your minutes and seconds when you're not looking, and it's already past 10 when a heartbeat ago it was still 9, and a few heartbeats before that you were on a bus at 7.45. Before I know it it'll be tomorrow morning and back to army life, just like how I've subconsciously slipped into the personal pronoun. Maybe if I believe hard enough that something disastrous will occur come Friday, the week will fly past? Or maybe not. I forgot, I gotta think of something I don't want to happen.

I'm listening to the same Fall Out Boy album, and it's rekindling old feelings like how melancholic songs always ignite nostalgia. But maybe the fire was always smoldering, and the feelings never got old, just blinded away. Funny, I've got tons of memories attached to different FOB albums, but two outta three ain't bad. My only hope is the future, and my only wish is that my wishes and hopes remain the same tomorrow, and the month after that, and the year after that. Being fickle is such a detriment to progress, no?

Buzz buzz buzz

Just so I remember.

Fall Out Boy - Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes

"What a match, I'm half-doomed
           and you're semi-sweet."

Isn't it just symbolic that here I am 3 months on, soon gonna be reporting to my new posting, and I'm listening to the same album as when I was anxiously enlisting last december.

...but nothing's really changed, eh?

Sometimes we take chances-

Just gimme some of that presumptuous intellectual shit to cheer me right up pronto yeah

philosophy

"Money is to Everything, as an Aeroplane is to Australia. The aeroplane isn't Australia, but it remains the only practical way we know of reaching it. So perhaps, metonymically, the aeroplane is Australia after all."

Hahahah look at the invite my 5 year old cousin gave us for her birthday tonight:ps- yays we're going to eat cow tomorrow

song and dance

I think the euphoria of results have completely passed me by; I 
don't feel any different from before last Friday, although it might 
just be some time lag- or more likely the onset of liminality, which I 
want to completely ignore and watch it utterly pass me by. Time is starting 
to speed up again, my last 3 BMT days are rushing towards me, and it'll soon 
be the joyous period of block leave, with the freedom that is such 
a fundamental essence of everyone else's time, where impending NS was just a 
footnote. I dont really know what I want right now. No one's going overseas 
in my class. But it's a chance for me to go to London, and possibly be 
someone else, somewhere else. I wish leaving friends and family were someone 
else's dilemma. But then isn't making the choice the only way to ensure  
happiness?

nerves

NS seems to have dulled my senses somewhat. Usually the eve of such a day would be marked with insomnia and worry, but as it is I'm still caught up in the dust storm of the months shooting by, and I'm not even sure it's March yet. But now that tingling in my fingers and the sweat in my palms kinda settles the dust. At the least, it'll be fun returning to VJ and doing the old stuff once more. This is just a spontaneous description of the before, penning my thoughts and stuff, so that maybe the after would come more distinctly to future me.

Do you sometimes wish you could return to the past, just to relive those few moments, even if you had to repeat the rest of the past as well, good and bad? But is it a struggle between melancholic regret, or just pure longing? Or maybe it's a latent desire to change the present well you're at it. Do you sometimes wish for an insurmountable obstacle, just so that failure and misery can be the status quo? A sine qua non of the new paradigm, one that you finally don't have to go out to acquire, because it was there all along. Which reminds me:

"I'm a war of head versus heart

And it's always this way

My head is weak, my heart always speaks

Before I know what it will say

And you can't find nothing at all

If there was nothing there all along"

Crooked Teeth - Death Cab for Cutie