foosh

Happy 09/09/09!

Everything's the same.

Two poems

Stephen Crane - The Black Riders and Other Lines
III
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

T.S. Eliot - The Waste Land
I. The Burial of the Dead
(...)
What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

I'm going back to 505

Moving on... It's been a month and a half since I said I was happy, and I guess it still applies at times. Not that I can really complain, with my 8 to 5 and regular off's. Blogging because I'm bored and there's really nothing to do. Plus it's early, as early as 12am can be on a weekday and with leave on the next. It seems this year has worn everything out, with six months of cramming fleeting weekends making time pass faster on civilian days now. My dulled mind from army can only think of a waves-eroding-stone-on-shore metaphor right now. If that's the case then I guess I'm praying for small moons nowadays. Today seems like that day in the post below this, out for a movie. It's so fast, another year, everyone's going to university and I haven't finished thinking about applying. But when you think about it it's not really that fast is it. Reading the posts on this page would make you think I'm in a time-continuum crisis, eh. Trust me it's more a crisis of the imagination. Damn this doesn't seem to have the makings of a good post does it. Ok I've matured this post on my desktop for close to an hour now and if it's not good enough yet then I don't know when it'll take.

happy

I never thought I would ever say this but I kinda like my NS life now. I hope it continues like this for the next one-and-a-half years. The work isn't that tiring and I get to sleep in my own bed every night and off days are fun and I have time to go shopping and watch movies and whatnot. Yays 

 "Why do I do anything?" she says. "I'm educated enough to talk myself out of any plan. To deconstruct any fantasy. Explain away any goal. I'm so smart I can negate any dream." 

Chuck Palahniuk - Choke

surprised

Too lazy to prepare a proper post so I'll just present it in some stream of consciousness way, the way that thoughts actually surface.

Time has passed quite fast, but not really, it's already only 1 week left to passing out,  but you kinda know somewhere in your mind that time never passes fast, it's just hindsight and optimism pairing up to screw with you, it's always been unbearingly slow when the things actually happen, and maybe I'm actually looking forward to abit of change now, and the end of trainee life and the start of a proper 8 to 5 posting. 

The luxury of bookouts has seemed to have worn off, I don't even feel that different walking out of camp on Fridays anymore, I spend the 2 days in my room at my computer, or at breakfast, or lunch, and it's 8am typing, 1pm watching, 1am shivering and 4am surfing, and somehow time passes slower this way. I haven't been out properly for a month, the furthest I've been to is Siglap or Parkway. Not that I mind, might be surprising to me-I dunno.

I feel the urge to take photos again, buying books on technique and theory, looking at my past photos, re-processing them in my head, but I need a camera, and everytime I'm bored at the break of dawn in the heat of the afternoon in the creative flux of midnight I feel like holding a camera in my hand and telling stories.

You have epiphanies in the middle of the week, lying on the floor in your bunk ears restless from the iPod, and you have short-term amnesia by the next hour, so your thoughts are never collected and you have to start from scratch the next time you lie down, so you might as well never begin. You think army isn't that bad after all, your section mates are fun, you're better off than countless other people, you think of disillusionment, you think of outside, inside, everything in between, of the waste and of the and then you forget and you think hey, army isn't that bad after all. Time passes fast and slow and the difference is just memory and reality. I might be exaggerating now, I'm just rambling but what else is a blog post.

Latest events include watching the season finale of Lost and House, the latter being sad, and making me listen to The Rolling Stone's As Tears Go By on repeat. I pre-ordered the new Green Day album and it's good. Every weekend is the same to me, it's breakfast and the computer screen and dinner and the computer screen and sleep and the computer screen and then it's time to go. Cue: 45 minutes from now.

Hey seems like I prepared a proper post after all. You get tired wondering of the best way to make time pass the slowest, and then you get tired wondering of the best way to make time pass the fastest, and all the other time you realise you do this to keep your mind from wondering about other things, more important, you think, or not, and is your mind doing this on purpose? Keeping itself distracted? I feel I've written like a Palahniuk persona having ingested Joyce's Ulysses. But there's always time to crack jokes because that's essential for survival. Just whose, you wonder, or not.

Photo!